Everything is changing

When I first discovered that size 0 in no longer a good fit for me, I began to panic. I thought I was getting fatter. For those who are about to throw me rocks due to my complain, please don't. It was not meant to be an insult for others. For a girl with a 5ft height and teeny-tiny hands and feet, size 0 is a reasonable yet understanding size. Even after a freshman-15 (or more like 10) and all, I was impressed with my maintanence. Then the shirt. I began to notice that x-small was, in fact, too small on me. It didn't look horrible, but it sure did feel uncomfortable. Hence, I upgraded to small and have been wearing that size since. Now it feels fine and looks right too.

At first, I was not too happy with this new development. "Why am I getting fat?", was all I could think. However, I realized that I shouldn't perceive it that way. I was getting older - 22 years is not that long compared to older adults but to me, this was a much progress. Instead of thinking as fat, I started to consider as becoming more mature. This is true. I'm sure there is a biological process that explains this, but I like to consider as out-of-my-teenage-shelf. As we become older, some things are compromised such as our body. As we begin to receive privileges as an "adult", we begin to sacrifice others.

Moral of this story: I actually don't know.

My mind seems at unrest right now, now that I am heading back to Lubbock - for the 4th summer. Now as a senior in college, I seem to have different mindsets and priorities to think about. Senior year does not seem like another year of college, in fact, it is my last. And that "last" seems to bring a whole new perspective about life. My next question is, "What should I be doing after this?". Would it be another journey with education or a real job in an unknown territory? Where would my boyfriend be? Ok, perhaps it's more like "questions".

Those questions are filled in my mind with curiosity and fear. I know some readers may think that I am a coward who isn't enjoying her life. In fact, I am enjoying my life very much. But as a girl who likes to prepare and wants to know what is upon this road - this feeling seems like a nebulous territory, which I'm very uncomfortable with. Everything is changing, and I don't seem to have a clue exactly what would happen a year from now. Perhaps this negativitey is generated from my strong urge to live independently and not to burden my parents with more than they should be dealing with.

Everything is changing, and I am just perplexed.