Things change...I feel that

Tonight has been one of those nights where reminiscence was necessary while the boyfriend fell asleep. I had random and yet such clear memories from two years ago, mainly saddened by how much I miss doing little things with Z. When we were still "on-campus" aka no long-distance, we used to go out for late night dinner/snacks, watched movie until late night, and randomly walked around campus holding each other's hands. It was great because we felt (or I did for the least) connected and were genuinely happy doing things together like that.

Two years later, we are always dreading about the next day - how much we dislike going back to school/work. We are always tired and literally have stuff to do all day long. It seems so endless to the point where we don't want to talk about it because we don't want to think about it. It feels like each night is just another end to a long day and all we want to do is to sleep. Perhaps our day has been uneventful just like any other days. Conversation has become so generic and so dry. Life got us tired. Or we just simply miss each other. It takes toll after a certain point - you're constantly waiting and figuring out when the next time will be for us again...sometimes you don't know when. It get frustrating because you miss the person. But what can you do...

So at first, I was elated that my dad has officially invited Z to El Paso. It was a first official sign that he was interested in getting to know my boyfriend more in person. I thought Z would be happy about that too. But he seemed more nervous and hesitant about it, that made me nervous. My biggest fear might have been the fact that he would never want to meet my family because, I know, my family is slow when it comes to fully accepting the "daughter's boyfriend." And my family is far more conservative than his, and he will not be able to receive the full 'girlfriend-mode'. We're just not the type of family that Z is generally used to. Therefore, I'm nervous, very nervous because I feel like I'm making him extremely uncomfortable and somehow creating more distance between him and I due to that visit. I was merely hoping that the visit will allow him to be closer with me by getting to know my family. I'm not so sure about that anymore.

Things change, sometimes more than I hoped for. I think we're not the same couple - we got older, maturer, and moreover we have built our own perspectives to certain situation. I hope we get this through ok. I wish things didn't have to change so much.